Hello, Flickr?

I love Flickr. Really, I do. But it pains me every time I log on and see the grammatically incorrect greeting, which just a second ago was "Bangawoyo StJenna!" ("Hello Jenna" in Korean.) Yes, I cringed just writing that. Where is the personal comma? I shudder to think that the homepage of a major website has such a HUGE glaring error greeting you with a smile. (I'll refrain -- for now -- on commenting on the effusive use of exclamation points! Two in a row!)

Has no one else noticed this before?

Like, We Care

Does anyone out there truly understand how to use quotation marks? (If you're unsure, check out the Gallery of Misused Quotation Marks for some enlightenment.)

Here's a quick recap for some of the more common -- proper -- uses:

1. As the title of a minor work (this can be stylistic rather than grammatical, depending on the publication's own style guide). Ex: The song "Stripped" is from the album Music for the Masses.
   
2. To quote somebody. Ex: "That's hot," said the skank.
   
3. To introduce a new word or phrase. Example: Parents should know that children often "dis" their friends.
   
4. To show disapproval, disownment, irony, or sarcasm. See: scare quotes
   

There are other uses, but these are some of the more common ones. Why then do people insist on misusing and abusing the poor quotation mark? Seriously, people, if the quotation mark were a mammal, PETA would be all over your shit by now. Treat the delicate quotation mark with care and it will only help you. Treat it scornfully, and you'll reap its wrath.

Case in point:


Putting your program's name in quotes makes it liable for category 4. Hell, if you, the parking service I'm paying, don't really care, why the hell should I park with you? I'm certainly not going to believe you're going to provide any of the subsequent services for "free." So "bite me."

Chinglish vs. Engrish

I want to know how much Chinese translators get. Seriously, I need a translator to translate this gobbledygook:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/6054726.stm

Although "Blood-Condensed Friendship Pavilion" is probably quite accurate.

Of course, "Engrish" translations are much more widely known, or at least more widely ridiculed. Makes me want to run out and buy some "Angel Sweet Asse." I myself am the proud owner of an Engrish mug that asks that age-old question, "Do you want to be romanticized like Juliet?" Hell, yeah!

Yes to life!

Dan Quayle Wuz Here

Spotted in Seattle's Pike Place Market:

If you can't spell the product you're selling, I ain't buying it.

Quotation Marks: How Not to Use Them

On my old website, circa 1999, I had a section dedicated to grammar mistakes I found in everyday locales. My favorite was a sign on the Third Street Promenade, from when Santa Monica's glorified strip-mall and environs were undergoing a rehabilitation that consisted of tearing down old-growth trees and replacing them with saplings destined never to reach the heights of store-front awnings, due to the meager amount of soil allotted them.

The sign said "Danger!" -- with the quotes -- and then had some inane warning to warn potentially litigious Promenade patrons of the obvious open pits that were already cordoned off with yellow caution tape. With those four little curled lines, what the city signs were telling people was that the danger was presumed, not real, perhaps just a laugh. You'd think the sign makers would have some grasp of the language they've been hired to promote, but errors like this seem to be on the rise.

Take, for instance, the handwritten sign I spotted this evening in my neighborhood Ralphs. I could have understood them putting quotes around the whole phrase ("Celebrity of the Month") or even questioning the status of the reputed celebrity ("Celebrity" of the Month), since I had no idea who was in the pic, but the quotes around "Month" baffle me. Are the Ralphs employees implying that they're on some other calendar system -- lunar? Gregorian? Or perhaps that they're showcasing celebs on a triweekly basis?

Although I'm planning to resurrect this section as "bloopers" -- I'm using quotes because it's the title of a section, but lowercase since it'll be a tag (just need to cover my bases) -- I know I'll never surpass the collection of misused quotation marks on The Gallery of "Misused" Quotation Marks, which is fine by me. I get enough joy out of copyediting Chinese menus.

I doubt I'll ever find an example as good as this one.

Got a good one? Send it my way. I'll "think" about "posting" it.

How to Be an Anal Grammarian

I'll be the first to admit that what I'm about to bitch about is relatively minor -- compared to so many other world events, at least. Even though it all boils down to perhaps 15 pixels, I'm adamant that the Web -- albeit a fantabulous conduit for information and ideas -- is destroying our literacy. And that fact is no more blatant than in use (or lack thereof) of the personal comma. (Okay, instant messengers are far more to blame, but those addicted to that media were illiterate from birth. See: K. Fed.)

This, the "personal comma," is a phrase I've made up, as far as I know, but I've based it on the "personal 'a,'" the preposition used in Spanish anytime a person's proper name comes up. In English, I'm transliterating it similarly. Bear with me.

"Good luck Joe!" This phrase, punctuated as is, actually means that Joe is a source of good luck (minus the clausal hyphen). Yes, I'm being anal. But, again, bear with me. Or bare with me, if that's your style. Similarly, if the sentence were written "Bite me Joe" (as opposed to the properly punctuated "Bite me, Joe"), it would mean that some Irishman was hoping you'd sink your teeth into his pappy.

There are way too many pop-culture examples of the personal comma being omitted in writing. While I'm currently too drunk to think of very many specific examples, one or two come to mind:
"Crunch me Cap'n" (a slogan I found on a box of Cap'n Crunch -- admittedly a cereal marketed to the illiterate; without the comma, it means that some pirate wants you to bite his first in command).
From the Huffington Post: "Thanks for the warning Scott" (I'm guessing some sailor -- pirate, perhaps? -- shot a guy named Scott over the bow of a ship as a warning to would-be pillagers).

From the few examples I could wrangle, it appears that pirates are to blame for our lack of grammatical awareness. But if a show as insipid as "Yes, Dear" can get punctuate correctly, why can't the rest of the populace?